Checking out Facebook this morning, on my newsfeed was a post from a friend that came through as follows:
Why not take a break from negativity and learn about each other?”
My friend had said she had duly completed the questions (from which she said she had learnt quite a lot) and would any of her friends like to do the same. We would feedback to each other upon completion.
For fun I decided to do it and I progressed with the quiz I realised that as an intelligent lady she was being facetious but in a very nice way).
At the end she wrote:
Come on....someone do this with me. 😄 Let's have some fun, take a break from negativity and learn about each other.
Well, firstly before I even got on to the questions and my subsequent answers I have to say that the first thing I thought was that I wasn’t ‘negative’ or a negative person! in fact I am quite a positive individual so therefore I wouldn’t be doing the questions to avoid being negative rather because I was quite intrigued and wanted to take a ‘break’ from what I had been doing at the time that I first read her post!
So, I substituted some wording (letting my friend know what I was doing) and the sentence I worked from read:
Come on....someone do this questionnaire with me. 😄 Let's have some fun, take a break from whatever you are presently doing so that and learn more about each other.
Below are the questions.
Whilst they seem generic at first, I noticed on a couple of the questions they had an American feel re the choices so with that also in mind I thought I would write a blog about such ‘fun’ sharing questionnaires and pick up on a few ‘ambiguous’ points as I was working my way through the various choices. Of course these questions are meant to be answered quickly and posted back onto FB without too much time being spent, but on thinking more about the stuff we do on a daily basis ‘without too much thinking’ the very nature of doing so and posting straight back on FB started to ring the alarm bells for me.
Anyway more of that later down the blog – here goes for now with the questions…
Q1. Who were you named after?
A1. I really don’t know! But again if you have a name that corresponds with the Milkman, Baker, Window Cleaner, etc perhaps that tells you more than you want to know. I think probably a better question without being too flip might have been ‘Do you know why your parents gave you your first name/s?
Q2. Last time you cried?
A2 Can’t remember and if I did would I share this information online – probably not as it leads on to the question of the dreaded ‘why’ again!
Q3. Soda or Water?
A3. Soda – does that mean soda water (English version or American Soda meaning pop – Coke, Pepsi, and such like) I thought I would play it canny and say both, but preferably with wine!
Q4. What is your favourite lunch meat?
A4. I thought yes we have luncheon meat in tins in the UK, think its called something beginning with S and ending with M. If the question however was just about your favourite meat I may have given a more direct answer but it didn’t and I haven’t.
Q5. Favourite flower?
A5. Lily – Success I have only got to question 5.The question is unambiguous and therefore I feel pleased I can answer it quite quickly.
Q6. Do you still have your tonsils?
A. On a roll here! I have - Two out of two yes!!!
Time for a little break I think whilst I am on a roll!
Suitably refreshed here we go:-
Q7. Would you bungee jump?
A7. Depends on the circumstances. Whether I had particular substances in this little old body at the time that might make me think I was Superwomen!
Q8. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
A8. This question is based on the assumption that I wear shoes with shoe- laces. Have to say most of my shoes do not have shoe- laces and my trainers have those bungee cords (back again to bungee’s) so that you can slip them on and off.
Q9. . Roller coasters?
A9. Ambiguous – It doesn't ask me a question or give context it just says 'Roller Coasters' does it mean I like/dislike them, do I know what they are, how big they are, even where they are, have I ever been on one?
Such as statement if answered very quickly is made on your own individual interpretation as you read it and you gave your answer quickly based on that. Such as statement demonstrates with the best will in the world that we all sometimes mis-interpret a statement and we will try and make sense of the statement to give an answer. Same goes for the content of a conversation we are having with someone! This can be very dangerous trying to assume we know what the other person is thinking…
Q10. Favourite ice cream?
A10. Oh yes – I love Salted Caramel… (drooling now just thinking about it!) This is 3 questions I have been able to respond yippee!
Q11. Favourite thing to do?
A11 Get up in the morning and realise I am still breathing! -Flippant probably in terms of answer but definitely true.
Q12 Football or baseball?
A12. Neither…… I don’t watch football, ah agh - that’s a lie I sometimes watch World Cup games. I cannot say it is a preference though as I have never been to a baseball game as Baseball is an American sport so I have no knowledge to make a comparison.
Q13 . Shorts or Jeans?
A13. Again it depends and is subjective… are they micro shorts, cropped leg long shorts, baggy shorts, lycra shorts – there are a million and one different types as there are with jeans. My answer to this is I wear clothes to suit what I am doing at any given time and accordingly what the weather outside dictates!
Q14. What are you listening to?
A14. Nothing at the moment -
only my own ‘thoughts’ as I try to come up with sensible answers or if not reasons why I can’t!
I feel another break coming on…
Back again!
Q15. Favourite Color?
A15. Another USA clue - The spelling for Colour in England has a U! My answer is Purple, pink, Blue, - I can’t decide you choose!!!!
Q16. Tattoos?
A. Again very ambiguous - what does the statement want to know about Tatoos?
Do I have one? Do I like them? Do I want one? Not quite sure what I am supposed to answer to this one either. Eh – are we talking things like the Edinburgh Tattoo? Yes I enjoy that spectacle but I suggest we are not.
Q17. Married?
A17. Married to what - there comes that gremlin Ambiguity again!
Q18. Hair colour?
A18. The colour of what, Ambiguity Gremlin really working overtime here... Is it? Mine – the dog’s – the horses? Well because I want to show willing, I will assume that the question refers to ME. Answer – this week it is sort of purply pink with black/silver undertones at the back. Next week it may be green or even blue. This female baby boomer knows no bounds when it comes to colouring one’s hair!
Q19. Eye colour?
A19. Ditto as above but I will say Brown, but if the mood takes me I could buy a pair of different colour contact lenses! Might well just do that for a laugh!!!!
Q20. Favourite thing to eat?
A20. There is no mention of ‘food’ here in this question so perhaps I had better not say as that could bring on all sorts of value judgements from people reading my answers!
Q21. . Scary movies?
A21. Yeh – what about them?
Q22. Android or iPhone? -
A22. Two phones yes. I own an iPhone.
Q23. . Chevy, Ford, Jeep? - American again!
A23 Three cars I don’t know a lot about. PASS
Q24 . Favourite holiday?
A24. I have had a lot of favourite holidays in my lifetime. .. aren’t I lucky!!
I have to stop for refreshments before I go on to the final part!
Ssh…. The clue is in the next question!
Q25 . Beer or wine?
Ambiguous - my little Gremlin friend you are working overtime. Does it mean I like to drink these beverages or does it mean something else - I really don't know. I really am getting bored now to the point that I am about to do... BOTH, depending on time of day, season/weather and what I have in the cupboard/fridge. Since this quiz I have decided that the time is NOW!
Q26. Nights or mornings?
A26. Owl or Lark? Dove or Pigeon, Not sure – Is this question a preference or association thing again? Bit psychological this questionnaire ain’t it!
Q27. Favourite day of the week?
A2. Every day (not helpful I know) we are back to breathing again!)
Q28. Favourite season?
A28. Spring/Autumn I can’t choose this question has me so confused – you choose!!!!!!!!!!
Q29. Dine In or Carry Out?
A29. If this is supposed to be about my personal preferences which I now assume this questionnaire is giving all this anxiety and frustration of trying to make sense of the questions as I have gone along I would say:
BOTH – this one is easy peasy – I always bring a doggy bag back for the dog with any meaty scraps from said restaurant!!
WOW – ALL FINISHED, but it was a bit of a MARATHON…
So, what is the real message to this blog? whilst it was fun going through the questionnaire the real message for me is that we often take for granted that what we think we know we are hearing, and how we make sense of what is said or written down and what we feel is the right or correct answer at the time.
Very often statements and indeed conversation can be hugely ambiguous, and dependent upon our emotions and feelings at the time the tree either read or listen to another person we tell our own internal story based upon how we have received that information.
There are times when we may say all right the wrong thing and when situations escalate all tensions rise we blame often the other party for not being clear. This is strictly not always the case, there is a joint responsibility.
The joint responsibility relates to the person speaking or the written word and needs to make as clear as possible what the intention is and what response is expected.
Secondly joint responsibility placed on the person receiving the information, if they believe they do not really understand the question it is up to them to ask for clarification.
Often individuals will not seek that clarification for fear of appearing foolish to the other party. However, if both parties relating to either the spoken or written word where to take on board a few simple rules including being clear and gaining clarification this would lead to far less conflicts arising.
You can do the math, and it will come as no surprise based on the answers that I have given to the fun quiz that what individuals take on Facebook to be perhaps a 2 minute exercise in giving answers to questions they think they understand – they can indeed be under a complete misunderstanding.
Out of a total of 30 questions my ability to answer those questions with any degree of accuracy of not knowing what the real questioner was looking for and my subsequent response was about what around 10 percent!
If we translate that into real life and real interactions, we may get an insight into why friendships or relationships hit sticky wickets or indeed ultimately may finally fail.
Look up! It's not all doom and gloom though, because my old mentor used to write and say that there is plenty of room for improvement.
That's a good thing yes, because we're not seeing the negative as a final - 'I can never get anything right part’ at the forefront of our minds, but that we can, as individuals learn to communicate better so setting up a virtuous cycle leading to less conflict in our conversations and relationships.
Being willing to being open and more ‘vulnerable’ in our interactions and less defensive gives us all a chance of living more harmoniously. Easy to say, but incredibly hard to do, especially when our emotions are there at the time giving our head a good kicking and telling us psychologically that it is survival of the fittest and we have to ‘win’…
Being Baby Boomers or mature citizens does not give us any special privileges or indeed 'received insight', if they did, I would never argue or get ‘ticked’ off by anyone, blaming it of course on them.
Next time someone cuts you up at a roundabout, ask yourself ‘did I correctly indicate – did I give them the wrong message/signal’?
Yes, of course it could it have been a mistake on their part but, stopping to pause just a moment to see if you have your internal story right could stop you from making the biggest ASS of yourself ever!
I can say from personal experience it is also the biggest release ever when you say to yourself ‘SHIT’ because you realise you have had your ‘winker’ going for the past 10 minutes giving people completely the wrong signals and you never heard it because the batteries have just run out of your hearing aid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well folks, a long one today because it is what it is, and I am what I am of course!
Thank you for reading. Yours in friendship and kindness.
